The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
