I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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