I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
