My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
