Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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