Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Houston, we have a blender
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize