I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This baby is an asshole
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
