You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
