Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my vagina is haunted
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
