Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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