I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
