I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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