Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
