Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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