my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
