Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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