the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
