Ambien. No doubt about it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
