I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
