I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
