i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You dont lie about slip and slides
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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