I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
