Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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