God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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