New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
