My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
