I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
