if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
