I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
