i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
