Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
