masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
