i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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