The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
