Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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