After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
