Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
