this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
being pregnant is like rehab
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
