when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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