sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
