ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im six kinds of drunk right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
