so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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