accomplished twins. life is a go
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
