Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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