my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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