I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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