I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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