well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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