2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
