Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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