also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize