i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
