At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
whose parrot is this?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
