seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
