I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
