the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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