Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
