I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
