Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
