Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
