this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
