Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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