God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
