i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
