Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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