also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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