You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
