Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
