WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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