Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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