I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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