So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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