i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
