you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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