A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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