Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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