I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
