Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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