the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.