help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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