I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"