seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
