I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
